The joys of business travel

Business travel is vastly over-rated in my opinion, and should be avoided at all costs.
Having travelled extensively in my youth as SAA cabin crew (all five star hotels and meal allowances) my brain is wired for work on the plane and relaxation/frantic sight-seeing on the other side.
This means I can't sleep on planes and, like Pavlov's dog, I leap up at the sound of the bell used to summon a crew member. The latter tends to upset the sumo wrestler seated next to me (why am I always seated next to the sumo wrestler?)
Having started a new job requiring a fair amount of travel I realised that the old suitcase (held together with various bits of string, covered in cat fur and bearing stickers from countries that no longer exist) wouldn't cut it. I headed off to the store to buy a cabin-sized suitcase - surely sufficient for a master-packer such as myself. I wanted a hard one (too easy for the slimy sods at the airport to slit open the soft ones and help themselves to my belongings)
It was perfect. The nylon zips were the only possible downside but there is a guarantee, after all.
Filled with confidence I decided to book it into the hold - there was more than enough time on the other side to pick up the luggage AND the rental and get to the first appointment.
So much for planning. My suitcase came out speedily enough, just not closed. Collecting assorted bits of clothing from the conveyor belt AND trying to stuff them back into the broken-zipped suitcase may not be the best way to start the trip.